Why Mindfulness Feels So Hard at First (Especially for Overthinkers)

Understanding the Busy Mind, Overthinking and Emotional Resistance

If you’ve ever tried mindfulness or meditation and thought:

“My mind is far too busy for this.”

You're not alone.

In fact, one of the most common frustrations people experience when starting mindfulness is discovering just how active the mind really is.  It may even leave them wondering - does mindfulness actually work? 

But...strangely enough, that awareness is actually part of the process.

Why the Mind Resists Slowing Down

Many of us live in a constant state of mental activity.

We think, plan, analyse, anticipate, problem-solve and replay conversations almost endlessly.

For professional women balancing work, family, responsibilities and all of the emotions that go with it - the mind very rarely gets an opportunity to rest.

So when we first sit quietly in meditation, it can feel uncomfortable.

Suddenly we become aware of:

• Racing thoughts
• Restlessness
• Distraction
• Emotional discomfort
• Difficulty sitting still

 Then we wade in with the stories and the criticism:

• This is too hard
• I can't do this
• I can't empty my mind

In fact, this is how all of our minds work.   It even has a name - Monkey Mind.

Noticing this busyness doesn't mean that mindfulness isn't working.

It simply means that we're beginning to notice exactly what our minds get up to. 

The Brain Learns Through Repetition

The brain learns best through practice.  Repetition is how we build habits.

Unfortunately, the brain isn't selective about what it learns.  For example, the more we repeat patterns of worry, stress and self-criticism, the better we become.  Those habits actually form neural pathways in the brain. 

So sitting down and expecting to be calm straight away, is like trying to run the marathon on the first day of training.

Mindfulness is a skill that we learn and practice and there's research to show that mindfulness can change our brain.

What Meditation Reveals About the Mind

Mindfulness meditation begins to reveal our deeper mental habits.

For example:

Avoidance

We often resist sitting with uncomfortable thoughts or emotions.

Distraction

The mind wanders constantly, pulling our emotions along with it.

Clinging

Humans naturally seek certainty and familiarity, making it difficult to let go of certain thoughts, expectations or stories.

These patterns are part of being human.  Mindfulness simply helps us to become more aware of them.

What happens during our practice, is usually a window into our daily life. 

Why Self-Compassion Matters in Mindfulness

Turning on this light of awareness is challenging.  There's a real danger that when we see parts of our behaviour that make us uncomfortable, we turn on ourselves with even more criticism.

 We may begin noticing:

• That harsh inner dialogue
• Emotional reactions
• Patterns of stress or worry
• Judgement 

Mindfulness is not about change.  In some ways, it's about coming to understand our emotional tool kit so we know what we're working with.

And...

we can't just face it head on. 

In mindfulness we call this "working with the edges".  Little by little we come to explore our experience, seeing it for what it is.  Part of the human experience.

To do this, we need to create a safe and kind internal space.  A space where we can work through our experiences at our own pace. 

It's self-compassion that creates that safe emotional container. 

It allows us to explore our inner world without judgement.

Some Emotional Patterns Run Deep

Certain emotional habits become so familiar that we mistake them for personality traits or facts of life.

Patterns linked to:

• Anxiety
• Perfectionism
• Over-responsibility
• People-pleasing
• Emotional shutdown
• Chronic worry

may have been reinforced for many years.

These deeper patterns can change, but we need to allow ourselves patience.

Mindfulness Is a Way of Relating to Ourself

Mindfulness is not about emptying or even calming the mind.

It is about learning to allow those thoughts, emotions and reactions to pass through without getting too caught up in them.  Not avoiding or shutting down, but allowing.

It is the practice of noticing and re-anchoring that makes our experience less sticky and overtime we can cultivate: 

• Less automatic reactivity
• Greater emotional resilience
• More calm and clarity
• More ease in daily life
• A kinder relationship with ourselves

Learning not to react to every experience, naturally creates the space and calm we need.

And often, it begins with just 10 minutes a day.

If this resonates, why not try our app or download our free guide for overthinking and overwhelm.